i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
