i think i have herpe
just one?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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