so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
