If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
