This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
