It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
