oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
