Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
How's work?
Spinning.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
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