my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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