mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
