im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize