I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
