morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
