i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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