i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
