my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Randomize
