Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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