Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
