I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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