i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
All the doctor said was why
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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