S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
