I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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