he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
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