Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
