Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
