Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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