bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize