i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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