some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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