i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
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