I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
