I want to stick my p in your. b.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
