Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
