ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
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