All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
