I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
