i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
