How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
