Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
