A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
