Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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