I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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