I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
