you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
