Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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