You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize