I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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