SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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