so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize