Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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