how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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