She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
