Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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