i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
