I molested 6 butterflies tonight
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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