he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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