I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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