garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
