you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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