Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
