is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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