We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
