the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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