after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
