No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
