Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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