i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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