She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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