I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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