Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
