so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I FOUND THE LEGS
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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