My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
